THIS week’s train strikes are the equivalent of a meteor hitting the earth and wiping out humanity, if you’re a TV reporter. Here’s how to hysterically cover them up.
Feign shock in empty stations
“Normally at this time Waterloo would be packed with commuters. But today it is empty. I don’t understand, why aren’t they there? Because they can’t take a train? Are they really superficial and disloyal? Without attendance, how can this branch of the Hôtel Chocolat achieve its sales objectives? »
Being totally alien to the concept of typing
“So you’re saying you’re taking your job off to force – to actually force – your bosses to pay you more? Moreover, you have organized yourself into what you call a “trade union” so that all your colleagues do the same? And you think it’s legal? Stay here. I call the police.
Cry in pain
“This is Nathan from Coventry, who was brave enough to share his story. Nathan, you have tickets to see Les Miserables, don’t you? But your day of shopping and a show in the West End has been ruined by “Having to drive all the way here? Because of the power-crazed railroad workers? Nathan, you’ll never get over this and neither will I.”
Stay in London
“We have learned that train strikes are taking place across the country, affecting stations such as Euston, King’s Cross, Liverpool Street, Paddington, Victoria and Charing Cross. And also Glastonbury, which Londoners frequent. Stay with us for updates.’
Find the real reason
“There are also rumors that teachers, postal workers and nurses could join this strike, saying low wages and high inflation mean they have little choice, which is a lie . It is a Marxist blow that must be repelled by scabs paid with pickaxe handles. We will stay put until that happens.
Where will all this end?
“There are more strikes planned in a fortnight, which might as well be airstrikes directly on the homes of hard-working Britons. Millions of us have already been devastated by these attacks on all that is good. and decent in the country and it’s not over yet. I’m a war correspondent now and I don’t expect to survive. Susan Traherne, for ITN.’